fail

so, i overreacted and got paranoid.
now i feel like a fool.
and i'm still paranoid
sigh

A new post.

So here I am in bed. I'm more scared right now than I think I have ever been. I refuse to lose one of the closest people that has ever been in my life, but I want to stick with my lifestyle choice. I don't want anything bad to happen, yet everything could go wrong.

So my life has been all over the place lately...... I wonder what's going to become of me. Sometimes I think I'd rather just descend into a spiral of irresponsibility, so I can just get away.

Suicide is not an option. So do not worry whomever is reading this. No matter how bad things get, I will be here still. I can't hurt people again like last time. I van barely cope with the pain i'm causing ONE person... And you know who you are, and no matter what happens, if we fight, get mad, fade away even, I will never be able to find someone like you again. I hope I mean the same to you…

Iddk why I'm blogging, I just had a sort of urge I guess.

Exams, I'm not too worried about. Had English yesterday and owned it.

Crying now, yay. Emotions... Why must you suck so badly when you appear, and then sometimes just dissapear.

iPhone keyboard sucks for writing btw. But the app I got for this is nice.

Sometimes I just want to fade away. Stay in my bed , and nothing more. Maybe I can be happy with what I have then.

Hooray, I prob just sound all angsty-teen ATM. Exactly what I want, just perfect.


Btw m'dear, if things don't work out ( they WILL, this is hypothetical) let the "group convo" people know because, really, they deserve to know, and at that point I wouldn't do well facing them.

I feel like my whole life has been torn away at the seams. And I don't know how to sew.


jm